The Sweet and the Bittersweet

First, the sweet.  I was enjoying a cup of 3-in-1 (instant coffee that comes in a packet mixed with sugar and creamer) and some cookies.  Nothing like a little late evening caffeine and sugar to ensure a good night’s sleep.  And I wonder why I had a nagging headache all day today.

Anyway, I’d just finished all but the last cookie in the box and was down to the dregs of the sweet coffee when a gust of wind came up.  It blew in the curtains over my bed, which in turn knocked over my mug, spilling the remnants of sugary coffee onto the rug next to my bed.  The other curtain blew the cookie box over my bed, leaving a trail of fine crumbs over the entire bed.

I’ve read stories of ancient warriors covering their enemies with honey before tying them down spread-eagled on an ant hill.  I believe I have just done pretty much the same thing to myself.

About the bittersweet – my sister came over when she got home from high school to listen to some of my music.  She loves to sing and has a great voice.  I thought I might introduce her to some artists she may not have heard before.  Not surprisingly, she asked if I had some Samoan music.  I did.  We listened to a couple of my favorite Christmas carols, including my all time favorite, the Christmas Polka, done in Samoan.  How can you not love that?  We also listened to one of my personal favorite songs, “Fa’amamalosi”.  It’s a beautiful song and our group of PCV’s did a choreographed dance to it at our televised swearing-in ceremony in December, 2010.

I got a bit verklempt while listening, thinking that I won’t be here to hear the Christmas Polka blasting on the bus this Christmas.  And thinking of all I’ve experienced since swearing in.  Then I shook it off, realizing I’m still in Samoa and will be for months to come.  Anticipating the loss I’ll feel when I leave does me no good now.

We also listened to some moldy oldy stuff.  Linda Ronstadt, Judy Collins, Judy Holiday, Sarah Brightman, etc.  After my sister left (believing, I’m sure, that Beyonce is still WAY better than any of the music from my youth) I listened to more old tunes.  White Snake.  Iron Butterfly.  Jimi Hendrix.  Pete Seeger.  And many more.  Each song brought back a flood of memories.  Once again, I started getting emotional.  This time, for what was in the past and now gone.

I’m not sure why this is such a hard lesson for me to learn.  Life is for living now.  Not thinking about what was or could have been or might be in the future.  Now.  In this moment.

I’m still working on learning the lesson but also enjoying all the memories the music brought.  And anticipating new adventures.  Like what might happen tonight when word in the insect world spreads that I’ve covered my bed in sugar.