As with all my entries, these are my personal opinions. I'm not a psychologist. Not an expert in cultural acclimation. Just a PCV.
In the materials that the PC sent before we left home, there was a section designed for family and friends. The material advised not to burden the one you love with all the issues and problems you’re facing at home.
The rationale for being somewhat circumspect in what you share is that most of us feel pretty isolated. We have lots of time. Too much time alone, for some of us. Without the constant interactions with close friends/family and the endless distractions of life back home that we were used to, one worry can take on more importance than we’d usually give it.
I’ve seen it happen here to others and experienced it myself. For example, I got a text about something happening to a friend at home. I worried. Because of the time difference and communication challenges here I wasn’t able to talk with her for a day. When I did, everything was fine and I had worried needlessly. She didn’t want me to worry when she sent the text, she was just sharing the kind of stuff we always talked about when I was home. Being a sounding board and a safe haven for venting is what friends and family are for.
Another challenge is that we’ve been gone long enough that we can’t ignore that life back home is moving right along. Without us. Because of my age/lifestyle, I’ve experienced this before. It can feel as if friends are moving on without us. As we are, friends at home are making new friends and having experiences without us. I know that while it may be over 2 years that I don’t see some of the people I love most, when I do see them again, they will still be my best friends. Our friendships won’t be exactly what they were, because we’ve grown and changed. But we’ll find a new depth and closeness in our friendships as we reconnect.
For a number of volunteers, PC is the first time they’ve experienced this. And because many are fresh out of college their friends are going through big changes. Moving, new jobs, marriage, babies, etc. There’s a lot going on.
Having said all that, here’s my advice if someone you love is a PCV:
• Stay in touch. We don’t always perceive no news as good news. We may worry that there’s something wrong or that our friendship is fading.
• Tell us about the good stuff in your life. We face problems and challenges here every day. Some are heartbreaking. It helps to be reminded that there’s a whole big happy world out there.
• If there’s a real problem at home, tell us. We don’t need to be sheltered from real issues.
• If you’re just venting, you may want to reconsider. If there’s nothing we can do about it and it’s not a really big issue, let it go. You may share an annoyance or something you’re angry about and an hour later you’re over it. We’ll still be stewing about it for days.
• We struggle with being here sometimes. Are we making a difference? Why did we do this in the first place? Is it all worth it? We get homesick. It really doesn’t help when you make us feel guilty about being so far away, or question why we’re here. Instead, ask us why we spent months or more going through the application process. What we’re learning while we’re here. Tell us to eat some ice cream, get a good night’s sleep and suck it up. Then call again the next day to see how it’s going. Sometimes we just need someone outside our heads to help us out of a funk. Let us vent but don’t let us be Downer Debbies, always looking at the down side of service in the PC.
If you’re in the middle of the application process, talk to RPCVs or current PCVs. Ask them about the downside of service. When you get your precious packet with your invitation, READ IT! In the excitement and busy time when you’re invited, it’s very easy to ignore the good information about the cultural changes and emotional challenges you’re about to experience. Talk to your friends and family about it. Have them read the info.
We’re on a roller coaster ride. It’s exciting, scary, alternately mind-numbingly boring and thrilling. We signed up for it and most of us are still very glad we did. The volunteer you love appreciates your support more than you can ever imagine.
Well, I cannot imagine what might have befallen you to bring out that posting; It seems so at variance with your previous writings. So, I'll take it for what it is as it hits me and wish you well. Might I suggest that you take a long look at the beautiful view of the sun, sand and surf so near to where you are living? You'll want to have that vista etched into your brain for when you have been back here long enough to no longer remember any of the stresses out there in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Later, spend some time with Mr. Kindle and then drift off into a long and peaceful sleep. Awake refreshed and re-invigorated to just 'be' and by doing so, you will become important to those around you. Later, back here, you will know you made a difference.
ReplyDeleteOn this end, I have been doing just what you suggested and I want you to know that your advice is well stated and on target. At the suggestion of another Invitee, I created a Facebook Group for the Invitees going to Macedonia this September.
If you are interested:(http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001762571303).
Interestingly, many PCVs currently serving in Macedonia have also asked to join and there have already been some good information exchanges.
I attended the recent Peace Corps Expo held in the historic section of Philadelphia and met and spoke with RPCVs from various countries. That was interesting and informative, just as you said such encounters would be. You can see some photos from that event ob my blog at: palew.blogspot.com
Continued best wishes.