Friday, March 6 - Day 62 - Cruising on the Tasman Sea Toward Sydney

After stops in Auckland and Bay of Islands this is our second sea day as we head to Australia.

In Auckland I only got off the ship to bring visitors on board.  One was Kyle Kincaid, who was in the Peace Corps in Samoa a year ahead of me.  He flew from Chicago just to see me then headed off to Samoa for a quick visit.  He's a flight attendant so the flight was free but that's a couple of very long flights.  I appreciated the effort and the hugs.

Ally Miller was in the Peace Corps in Samoa the year after me.  She married a Samoan guy named Rob and they now live just outside Auckland.  They left their two little girls at home and came onboard for dinner after work.  So grateful they came out on a week night to visit.

None of them had been on a cruise ship before and it was fun to see their reactions.  Helps me realize how very lucky I am to be having this experience.

We tendered in Bay of Islands.  It's a beautiful place but it was raining hard in the morning and since I've been there twice I stayed on the ship.

The big news is about the corona virus.  They'd previously announced we were changing our itinerary because of the virus and other security issues.  Singapore, Indonesia, Maldives and Kenya are out and instead the plan was to add another port in Sri Lanka and spend three days in Mumbai, India.  That didn't sit well with many passengers.  Lots of grumbling and yelling at the staff in Guest Services, who have no control over any of this.

Yesterday the Captain announced that because of both the changing dynamics of the spread of the virus and input from passengers they'd changed the itinerary again.  Now we're skipping Sri Lanka and India and instead will spend two weeks in Australia then head to Africa.  He warned that as the situation changes, the itinerary may change again.

I can't imagine the overtime HAL staff is putting in both on the ship and at headquarters in Seattle.  There are a lot of moving parts that need to be considered for any changes.

Last night was the Captain's Gala Dinner.  It used to be held for small groups in a private dining room.  Now, because there are so many passengers doing the entire world cruise they just had two seatings in the dining room, as on any gala night.  I opted not to go for a variety of reasons, including not wanting to get dressed up, the roughness of the seas and not being excited about the menu.  I ended up skipping dinner and just having the dessert which was available in the in the Lido.

I talked to a couple this morning who went to the dinner and they said it was lovely.  Large floral center pieces, crew in formal attire, and lots of free wine.  They also said the food was great.  Sorry I missed it but at 7:30 when I was scheduled to dine, I was in my jammies in my cabin with an ice bag on my knee.  It doesn't hurt much but is still swollen and bruised from the fall in Tahiti.  I walked about five miles while showing guests around the ship the other day and it was really sore the following day so I'm trying to take it a bit easier.

Sadly, there was another announcement this morning calling for medical staff to respond to an emergency on deck seven, which is the deck with the most expensive cabins.   There have been several announcements like this.  Not surprising when the average passenger age is late 70's.  One of my guests commented that I looked like a youngster compared to my fellow passengers.

I'm still loving being on the ship.  I miss friends, driving and even am starting to miss cooking.  Please remind me of that when I get home and start bitching about not having people serve me a huge variety of food.

And now, some photos.  Been trying to load photos but the internet is too slow.  Will try again later or worst case, will post them in Sydney.

More Photos

I'm not missing this opp to post photos.  Hope you enjoy!

This wind wand is a sculpture in New Plymouth.  It moves with the wind, hence the name.

First night in Taupo (pronounced Toe-paw) I had roasted chicken, beet salad and these tiny and delicious yams.  And cheese for dessert.

An expensive yet surprisingly tasteless lunch at the Prawn Farm in Taupo.  Prawn pate, steamed prawns over salad with no dressing and deep fried squid and prawns.  Squid was the best item on the plate.  Ironic since it's a prawn farm.

Huka falls.  I was going to take a jet boat right up to the falls but was afraid I'd freeze to death.  Taupo was the coldest place I visited by about 10 degrees, Celsius.

Beautiful lake Taupo.  Largest lake in New Zealand.  It was a bit foggy.

That's better.  Same view, different day.  There's a wonderful Maori legend about these mountains and Mt. Taranaki.  In a nutshell, Taranaki fell in love with the mountain in the foreground but the mountain in the background also loved her.  They fought and Taranaki lost and had to move to the other side of the island.  He cried so many tears along the way it created a mighty river that is still there today.

Love Intercity Buses.  Convenient, cheap ($1 for a six hour ride!) and a comfortable way to see the countryside.  Notice the guy in front of me was not wearing shoes.  It was 32 degrees, F.

Restaurants and homes serve water in these bottles.  I like it.  This was an Italian place where I got delicious lasagna, to go.  The woman didn't have change so as a gift just took what I had.  I love Kiwis.

My hotel was near the University in Auckland.  Everyday on this same spot was always the leftovers of a tiny little party the previous night.  I just thought it was funny.

Would you pay $30+ for cereal?  Standard size container.  I'd pay if Ewen Mac Gregor served it to me.  In bed.

I made most of my dinners in Auckland.  Lamb, roasted kumara, sauteed zuchini and greek salad. 

Another dinner.  Fried Haloumi cheese, roasted red pepper, marinated olives and veg, mussels.  Absolutely delicious.

Cheese enchiladas are hiding under all that rice.  I put all the salsa on the rice.  Very tasty.  Mexican Cafe, Auckland.  $15.

I did not jump off the Sky Tower but watched other people do it.

View from my balcony in Auckland.  Last night and there was a full double rainbow.

A little blurry...Betsey (mom of Mika) and I at Le Vasa resort in Upolu.  I'd just flown in from Auckland and she was flying back to the States that night.  Yes, I look like I ate New Zealand.

Manonouta in Upolu.  The tropics have a way of taking over everything.

If cock roaches were a cash crop, I'd be rich.  This was what I swept up this morning.

Recent Photos

Finally, the stars have aligned and I can post some more recent photos...

Look carefully, this dryer hanging over the washer is upside down.  That was true for all I saw.  What's up with that?

Samoan sandal, Taranaki snow.  There was a woman from Fiji there in sandals, too.

The name of the wonderful, free museum in New Plymouth is Puke Ariki.  There is a restaurant inside.  This is the sign on the outside of the building.  Puke is not pronounced in Maori the same way we pronounce it in English, but I just don't think advertising your restaurant under a sign that says "puke" is good marketing.

The question isn't how this antique Harley got to Taranaki.  The question is "why"?

Dairy is king (queen?) in Hawera, Taranaki.  Do I look cold?  Freezing!

Daytona thinks they have a lock on beach driving.  In your face.  You can drive on the beach in Taranaki, too!

Love this photo.  Another view of Mt. Taranaki taken from Surf Highway.  The ocean is directly behind me.

Best mussels I've ever eaten in my life.  Salt restaurant in New Plymouth has great food and wonderful views.  And, a waiter from California.  Mussels in garlic cream sauce.  Heaven.

Differences

I've tended to travel to places very different than the United States.  Partly because of the economics.  Developing countries tend to be cheaper.  But also to explore the differences in culture, lifestyle, geography, etc. 

I'm finding that New Zealand is very different in many ways than the United States.  Here are some things I've noticed:

Samoa - things I thought were uniquely Samoan are actually Kiwi.  For example, Jandals is what Samoans call flipflops.  They were invented in New Zealand.  The donuts that I thought were from Samoa?  Nope, Kiwi inspired.  Going into a grocery store here, I see every product I can find in Samoa.  They just have more variety here.  Why is it that the only frozen vegetable you can get in Savaii is mixed veg?  If they can ship that, they could ship frozen peas.  Broccoli.  Cauliflower. 

Food - Kiwis do not eat Mexican food.  There are a handful of restaurants in Auckland (which are usually closed) but from the menu, they aren't authentic.  Any time a menu advertises that it's enchilada sauce contains tomato sauce I cringe.  There are no tomatoes in enchilada sauce.  I've searched high and low for green chiles.  None to be had.  Not fresh, canned, frozen or dried.  Damn.  In six months I'm going to eat Mexican food until I burst.
Can't fault the seafood, though.  Huge, succulent green lipped mussels are readily available and cheap.  I've been eating them daily.  Because I'm lazy, I've been eating the marinated ones.  Pop open the plastic container and slurp.  Lovely.

Food here is generally not cheap.  Once I solve my technical issues, I'll post a photo of a box of granola that sells for over $30 NZD.  Please tell me that food prices in the States haven't risen to exboritant levels.  I bought lamb yesterday for $18 kg.  That was on sale.  It was delicious.  I baked a kumara (similar to a yam), sauteed courgettes (zuchini to me), made a tossed salad and quick fried the lamb in a hot skillet.  Then I opened the mint sauce, which really is a sauce, rather than the sort of jelly we have in the United States.

Bathrooms.  Like many countries around the world, toilets here have push buttons rather than a flush handle.  You get two options.  1 button for number 1 and 1 button for number 2.  Makes sense.  The other thing popular here in upscale homes is a "wet room".  Instead of an enclosed shower, the entire room (either whole bathroom or a separate room) is a shower.  The wetroom at Janey and Andrew's was stellar.  A HUGE room with a window, deep tub and showerhead with great water pressure.  And the water was hot.  In another place I stayed you could brush your teeth or do your business while showering.  I had the same thing once in a hotel in Buenos Aires, but that bathroom was so tiny it was a necessity, not a luxury.

Bare feet.  I asked Andrew about the bare feet thing.  I go bare foot a lot.  Always have.  Always in the house.  Frequently I teach barefoot.  Which sounds weird when I see it written down, but seems perfectly natural, in context.  I would never consider, however, strolling through downtown Auckland, in winter, in bare feet.  What's up with that?  Seniors, kids, teens.  Dressed up or casual.  And no shoes.  The Ministry of Health is working on a campaign in Samoa to encourage people to stop spitting and to wear shoes outdoors.  It's not healthy.  And cold. 

Attire.  Aside from the bare feet, I've noticed that hot pants are VERY popular in Auckland.  Since I haven't been in the United States in two years I have no clue what the clothing fads are.  Doesn't really matter to me since I'll continue to wear the same stuff that I've worn for 20 years.  Perhaps I need an intervention.  Anyway, hotpants worn with panty hose or leggings are very common here.  I'm far from a fashionista but here's a couple of tips.  If you want to wear your shorts that short, cut out the pockets that are hanging below the hem.  Also, if you can see the line on the pantyhose where the reinforcement at the top starts, either wear the kind that has no line of demarcation or wear slightly longer shorts.  I strolled through a mall yesterday and found very few items that I would consider buying, even if I was in the mood to buy.  Let's just say that working girls would have a field day shopping here.

Language.  Yes, they speak English here, but with an accent.  I was in the grocery store with Janey and needed her help to translate what the cashier was saying.  First she asked if I wanted to have my fish (which was sealed in plastic) wrapped in newspaper.  I could neither understand her or grasp the concept.  Then she asked (I think) if I had a discount card for that store.  I do the same thing here that I do in Samoa when people speak quickly and I can't hear/understand.  I just smile, nod and let them think I'm an idiot. They're not far wrong.

There are some phrases here that are commonly used.  I may adopt them...

Easy as.  Cheap as.  Fresh as.  Kiwis seem to like to encourage you to use your imagination.  Let's say someone is commenting on the how easy something is.  They'll just say "Easy as."  That leaves you to fill in the blank.  Easy as...falling off a log?  Easy as...pie?

Fresh seems to mean "nice", "feeling good".  I'm not sure exactly, but if you're referred to as fresh, it does not mean that you just pinched someones bum (or butt, if you're an American.)

I was told before coming to New Zealand that they don't like Americans.  I was told that by some Kiwis in Samoa.  If they are this friendly and polite to me, what are they like to people they actually like?

Speaking of friendly and polite, I bought some lasagna the other day for dinner.  The restaurant had just opened and all I had was either a $50  or $17 in change.  The bill was $20.  The nice owner took the change and called it even.  I offered to go to the store next door and get change but she insisted we were even.  "It is my small gift to you.  Eat, enjoy." 

I love it here.

Terrific Taranaki

Prepare yourself for gushing. I'm about to tell you about my last few days on vacation and it's been so great that gushing is required.

I spent a few days in Auckland, a city I really enjoy.  Comedy club, great food and a stellar hotel.  On May 18, I hopped a bus to Taranaki.  New Plymouth, to be precise.  Buses are a common way to travel here and very comfortable and convenient.  It cost me $1, plus $2 handling for a ticket for a six hour ride.

I thought I hadn't gained patience in Samoa, but I was very content on the bus.  I had the seat to myself and the scenery was so spectacular I ignored my book and just sat and stared and thought.  It was great.  Two years ago I would have been an impatient mess.  Did I mention I saw four rainbows throughout the ride?  Along with sunshine, mountain views along with views of the coastline?

There was a bit of a snag in getting my rental car, but in true Kiwi form, people came to my aid.  The nice lady at the bus depot let me use her phone even though there was a pay phone nearby.  The man at the car rental place said he'd drop off the car instead of me having to go further than expected to where they were.  He was prompt and friendly.

Then the only nerve wracking part began...driving.  Left side of the road, steering wheel on the right.  Beautiful, windy, narrow roads with people driving at insane speeds.  Ok, they were only insane to me because sitting in the back of the bus I didn't get the same sense of speed and I was going WAY faster than I've ever driven in Samoa.

It was a bit nerve wracking but I made it to Hawera with no problems (did I mention it was raining, off and on?) and with only one stop for help.  There was that one tiny moment when I stopped to ask for directions and the man said no such road existed.  Hmmm, was this Kiwi humor?  Invite the stranger to come to a non-existent house?   No problem, though, it was a new road and I arrived at the beautiful and luxurious home of new friends I'd met in Bay of Islands.

The couple, J. and A. have two fur covered "children", friendly labs and they all greeted me with enthusiasm.  J. had prepared a delicious dinner and that was the beginning of a wonderful stay in this incredible part of the world.

A. grew up on a farm here and is passionate about the main feature of the Taranaki region - Mt. Taranaki.  On Saturday they took me on a tour of the region, with our first stop half way up the mountain.  Incredible.  Amazing.  Breath taking.  Can you feel the enthusiasm gushing?  As we stood there, the clouds blew away from the 2 mile high peak of the snow-covered mountain that rises starkly from the relatively flat dairy lands.  A. was disappointed that clouds kept us from viewing the other two mountains that are across the country but the views we had were so spectacular, I was far from disappointed.  What a region - from seacoast and surfing to mountain and skiiing in less than an hour.

Because of the steep rise in altitude, the cool air was even chillier and there were patches of snow on the ground. I felt at home, though, because we shared the lookout platform with folks from Fiji, who were also wearing heavy coats (mine belonged to A.) and sandals.

We hopped back in the car to warm up and head to New Plymouth, where A. had an appointment.  While they took care of business, I enjoyed the really good, free museum.  The interactive museum focused on both the Maori and European history in the area.  Interesting stuff.

We enjoyed a delicious lunch at a nearby restaurant.  I really like my fresh snapper but the green lip mussels in a garlic cream sauce that A shared with me were fabulous.  Plus, there was a delicious salad that did not involve cabbage!  Shall I gush more about the food? 

After lunch they took me to a lovely park, on the ocean, that features a unique walking bridge over a small river.  The very cool part is that when you stand at one end of the bridge it is perfectly aligned so that Mt. Taranaki is centered in the distance.  Stunning.  Plus I had fun with J. as we waited to take photos when there weren't any people walking or riding bikes across the bridge.  We compared the Kiwi approach, which was to wait quietly and patiently, to the American approach.  I held myself back from yelling "Hey, you...move it along there.  Can't you see people are trying to take pictures here?"

After some time on the beach, watching surfers, kids, joggers, dogs and just generally people enjoying the end of a sunny day, we headed back for home.  We spent a quiet evening watching rugby and a cooking show, talking and, of course, eating.  A. shares my passion for seafood so we started with a special treat.  He introduced me to his favorite food, Bluff oysters.  OMG.  Rich, large, meaty and tasting of the Tasman sea.  We enjoyed them raw, with a bit of lemon, served on toast points. 

Dinner was more seafood.  I helped with a tiny bit of prep but J. did the cooking and made a great salad (no cabbage!), seafood curry with mussels and shrimp and fresh scallops with chili.  Spicy seafood.  Could it get any better?  Yes.  A nice white wine and good conversation, along with a fire to take the chill off made it perfect.

Today we're going to a local museum which is highly rated and I can't wait.  Photos to follow when I'm not hogging J. & A's. internet.

Things I Miss From Palagi Land

I’m happy to be home.  Really, I am.  I’ve been busy working on a couple of projects and getting my house in shape.  In addition to cleaning out a ton of bugs and detritus from ants, spiders and termites, I’ve also been organizing.

I repacked the palagi/warm clothes I used in New Zealand.  I tried to explain to members of my family why I wear different underwear in Samoa than other places.  In a word – I wear the coolest, breeziest undies here, which means boxers.  Abroad, where there’s air con and cool air, I wear much more feminine stuff.

With the help of two of my brothers I also rearranged my furniture.  I’ll post photos soon.  I moved the bed so I don’t have to crawl into a small space every night to attach my mosquito net and again in the morning to make the bed.  Plus, now when I sit on my bed to read, work, etc., I’m not facing the open door, on display for everyone to see.  Now my forward view is of my family’s toilet.  So far I haven’t really noticed comings and goings but if anyone wants me to keep a log of how many times a family of 13 visits the throne, let me know.

I’m at the internet cafe in Salelologa, trying to do a variety of things that my dial-up is too slow for, including sending docs to PC in Apia with edits/suggestions.  Sadly, the internet here is down.  They hope to have it back up in 30 minutes.  Explains why I’m sitting here typing this.

Other things I’ll miss from palagi-land, also known as New Zealand:

·       A washer and dryer in the bathroom.  I’m almost caught up with my laundry, having done 2 buckets every morning this week.  Only 1 bucket to go.  Unfortunately a big storm moved in and this morning’s clothes are hanging in the rain.  If the sun comes out later, that’s a good thing since they get a second rinse.  If it lasts for the predicted 48 hours, they’ll get moldy and have to be rewashed, if I leave them outside.  If I bring them in, I’ll get slapped in the head with damp underwear every time I move from my kitchen to my bed.  My bed, btw, is the only place I have to sit in my house.  Unless you count the toilet and I don’t.   Add couches to the things I miss.

·       Grocery stores.  In Auckland, near the fish market is the nicest grocery store I’ve ever seen.  It’s part of the New World chain and is large, clean, bright and filled with stuff I either can’t buy here or is too expensive to buy here.  Poor Donna was a great sport as I spent over an hour there, strolling up and down each aisle, looking at stuff I wished I had room in my luggage for.

There was cheese, breads and pastries, meat, fruit, vegetables and tons of prepared foods.  There was a huge bin of live, enormous mussels, dirt cheap and begging to be taken home.  There was fresh shrimp, which we can’t get in Samoa. 

Can we talk about the fish market?  It’s a retail operation and one store has lots of prepared foods.  I bought marinated mussels for a song along with a prawn salad that was so worth every penny.

Donna  was a sport in cheerfully going with me to multiple stores but doesn’t get why I take such pleasure out of visiting grocery stores or luxury homes, lusting after stuff I can’t have.  I just like knowing they’re out there and who knows...someday.  I doubt if George Clooney is going to be asking me out any time soon, but I like looking at him, too.

·       Restaurants!  Fast food, elegant spots with great views, greasy dives, I love them all.  Food courts in Auckland are very different than in the USA.  They feature lots of Asian and middle-eastern cuisine.  Sushi, kimchee/bulgogi, kebabs, pizza...the list goes on.  Pretty much everything but fried chicken and burgers.  It worked for us, though, since one food court met my desire for diversity in my dining and there was a Burger King next door for Donna.

I like knowing that if I don’t feel like cooking I can grab something on the street.  Or, enjoy a relaxing venue with white tablecloths and someone serving me delicious cuisine that involves stuff like pate and sauces I’ve never attempted at home. 

I like being able to buy a cookie, hot from the oven and crispy sweet, then head next door for a cappuccino to go with it.  Let’s face it, I like a lot of food.  I enjoy variety in food and I like it convenient. 

·       MacDonalds and Subway.  I had my first taste of a Big Mac in Rotorua, 14 months after the last taste.  I had a moment and needed a cigarette after.  I’d forgotten how tasty it can be.  I had the same reaction to Subway.  For three years I worked off and on in a building that had a Subway in the lobby.  After years of subs for lunch almost every day I swore I would never eat at Subway again.  I take it back. I ate there 3 times in 2 weeks.  Much like I’ll probably be craving ramen when I get home although I’ve eaten enough for a lifetime.

·       Internet access.  Auckland has internet cafes in every block and they are very inexpensive.  About 1/5^th the cost I pay here.  Plus, faster and more reliable.  And I don’t have to take a bus 45 min. each way to use it.  Let’s be honest, sitting on my couch in my FL home with my laptop inches away at every moment, constantly connected to WIFI spoiled me.

·       Crisp sheets.  My sheets tend to always slightly damp.  When I slide in at night I stick to them.  Sheets in palagi land were crisp and made a lovely rustling sound when I moved.  Before I left home, I changed the sheets on my bed every night for a week so that I could savor that feeling of sliding in between crisp, fragrant sheets.  I miss that.

·       Driving.  I love the freedom that having a car brings.  I can be on my own schedule, going where I want to go without having to hoof it a mile to catch a bus or get to my final destination.  I discovered I also just miss driving, with no destination in mind.

·       Anonymity.   Ask someone in my village if they know who I am and chances are excellent that they will say yes.  People around the island know who I am.  The ones who don’t know me still say hello and seem interested in watching what I’m doing, wearing, eating, etc.  I’m different here.  In palagi land, I’m just one of the crowd.  It’s a city with lots of people and lots going on.  What I’m doing is of no interest to anyone.  I miss that anonymity although I’m sure I’ll miss being a minor celebrity after some time back in the States.

·       A remote control.  Cable tv, a couch and a remote control.  What could be better?  A room with all that, air con and no mosquitos or other critters.  I miss the Discovery Channel and Food Network.  I miss being a couch potato.

·       Hot showers.  When it’s hot outside and the water is tepid from being in the pipe in the sun, cold showers are no biggie.  Even when the water is really cold, like this morning after a couple days of rain, they work and I get clean.  But it’s not the same as luxuriating in a hot shower which is as much about mental health and relaxation as getting clean.

Zorb!

I’ve loved rolling down hills since I was a kid.  I’ve rolled down sand dunes and grass covered slopes.  I’ve rolled down icy hills.  I’ve rolled down a hill with a cast from my toes to my hip.  I’ve rolled down a hill after dinner at a fancy executive retreat resort.  The fun of rolling sometimes overtakes my sense of decorum and common sense.

I’m no dare-devil but rolling just seems so natural.  It gives me a wonderful sense of freedom.  Gravity is in control, but not in a scary way, like leaping out of a perfectly good plane or jumping off a bridge when you have no intention of committing suicide.  It’s just belly-laughing fun. 

When I heard about Zorb I knew I had to try it.  Unfortunately, at that time Zorb was only in the north island of New Zealand and I was unwilling to fly 20 hours and pay thousands of dollars when I had hills in my own back yard.  Finding out that Zorb was less than an hour from where I was spending Christmas was perfect.

A Zorb is a giant rubber ball.  There’s a hole in one side about 16 inches in diameter.  The hole is connected to a rubber tube which is about 2 feet long.  It leads to an inner chamber.  That’s where you ride.  The air space between the inner chamber and the outer ball provides cushioning from the ground as you roll and bounce down the hill.  That’s for all the skinny kids who aren’t as well prepared as I am, since I have lots of my own natural cushioning.

There are two kinds of Zorbs.  One has water and one doesn’t.  In the dry Zorb, you’re strapped securely into the inner chamber and then pushed down the hill.  You go head over tea kettle all the way.  I’m guessing that sometimes dry Zorbs become wet Zorbs when the staff has to hose them out after a Zorbonaut  (I kid you not, that’s what they call riders) urks during their ride.

Wet Zorb has water in the inner chamber.  The weight of the water keeps the Zorb somewhat stable so you slosh around a lot but don’t actually go upside down.  I wasn’t anxious to get wet on a chilly summer day in New Zealand, but better water than my breakfast.

My two new young friends and I rode up the hill in the back of a 4 X 4.  Given the way the young employee drove up that hill, I believe it was the most dangerous part of the adventure. 

We waited on a platform at the top of the hill while two employees positioned a ball, which had come up on a huge conveyor belt.  Clever, those Zorb people.  I watched as a young boy entered the partially water filled chamber and was rolled down a curvy path, with lots of zigzags and berms on both sides to keep you heading toward the landing pad.

Next, my 10 year old friend was ready to go.  But the next ball was “special”.  The inner chamber was made of deep purple, rather than clear, rubber.  As if rolling down a big ass hill in a rubber ball wasn’t enough, they wanted to add the extra thrill of not being able to see where you’re going.

The 10 year old and his 13 year old sister didn’t want to go in the “special” Zorb.  I really didn’t either, but seemed like a good time to act like an adult and suck it up.  I stepped on the platform next to the ball and the young employee said “Just step back five feet then run and dive into the hole.”

I had to laugh.  Yes, I’d just seen a 12 pound kid run and fly head first into the tube and on into the inner chamber, but really, had she not looked at me?  Run and dive headfirst into a hole that was about chest level?  She might as well have suggested that I sprout wings and fly down the hill on my own power.

Even as I was mentally measuring the relative widths of the hole and my ass,  I stepped back and went for it.  I bounced off.  The employee called over another young female employee and the two of them tried holding the ball so the hole was a bit lower.  I tried again.  Umph.  No success.

I decided that it was less the size of my bum than the fact that I wasn’t fully committing to the dive.  I stepped back.  Deep breath.  Ran and went airborne.  And bounced back onto the platform.

I was not about to let my life’s dream be foiled by one fat ass.  I suggested that I wiggle into the hole and through the tube.  The employees assured me that that did not work.  I was determined.

I put both arms in and tried to grab the far end of the tube, to help pull myself through.  Luckily, there are no photos of that.   At the same time, the two employees, who were understandably anxious to get me off their platform, one way or another, each grabbed my butt and pushed.  I landed in the inner chamber on my head into a puddle of warm water.  Success!

As the girl was zipping up the opening I asked if I should be sitting in any certain way.   She just laughed and said “No.”  She gave the ball a push to send me on my way.  I think she may have pushed with a bit more vigor than for others as payback for my having taken so long, but that could just be paranoia.

The first push sent me sideways, parallel to the hill and into a berm.  I bounced off and started sloshing/rolling downhill.  I was screaming and laughing with an equal combination of glee and terror.  That’s when I learned a valuable lesson about wet Zorbing.  When water is splashing over your head and all around you, keep your mouth shut.  For a second there I was too busy trying not to drown to even notice that I was rolling and bouncing down a hill.

The ride lasted about 2 minutes.  I rolled, I bounced and caught air a couple of times.  I bounced sideways off berms.  I had zero control over my body or trajectory.  I had a blast.

Stopping was easy.  Although I rolled past the “official” stopping place, two guys got in front of the ball and used their bodies to slow my roll.  One unzipped the opening and without warning, they tipped the ball down and I unceremoniously gushed out, along with all the warm water.  Yes, I felt reborn.

Zorb is awesome and since there’s now a Zorb in the USA, you don’t have to wait for a trip to New Zealand. 

BTW, I went back to Zorb again when Donna and I went back to Rotorua.  I was ready to go, waiting for the ride to the top when I saw a kid getting out of a ball, shivering.  I asked if they’d used hot or cold water.  Through blue lips, he said “Cold.”  I got a refund.